The Dragon Keeper

Aside from working on even more RPGs, I've actually joined JulNoWriMo as a last second decision. I wasn't going to and considered waiting until August, but with a late night plot bunny attack I went ahead and tried for the first day wordcount. And passed. By the first day I already had almost twice as much as I wrote for NaNo '08. After my epic fail, I would hope that wouldn't be a hard goal to pass...

Now I'm officially at 3,551 words. My story has very little planning aside from vague skeletons of characters and a plot, but that's all right. Thanks to this nifty contraption I found called Write or Die, I don't have the time to procrastinate or stop for ideas. So who the hell cares if it makes sense right now?

Current WC: 3,551
Mood: Lazy with a monster headache
Last thing wrote: He looked just as angry, but if he was he hid it well behind his words. "I'm H of G, Captain of the Blanks. We're here in search of someone, someone you might have here."

Note to self: Quit playing off of badly produced movie lines, and find some names.

 Four minutes until the end of NaNo '08, and I am finishing with 868 words. I don't think I've ever failed so terribly before. Even the last WriMos I've been involved with, I've always written at least 17k. This one? Didn't even get to 1k. Couldn't bring myself to go further than that, and now? Who knows if I have the courage to try it again. It's a miserable feeling. Like last year around this time when I felt elated and ecstatic, now I'm at the opposite end. It sucks.

Midnight just struck. Time to go mope.

 Yep. Believe it or not, two weeks in and I only have a word count of 594 words...not even worth mentioning, in my opinion. I'd rather have a big fat zero than look at that. So what happened? I honestly don't know. Slow going Saturday morning on the 1st because I couldn't figure out how to start the story, and then when I finally did? I actually became physically ill looking at it. I've never had that happen to me before. Ever! Even when I hate how my story is going, it's just annoying not...diseased.

Then about three days later when I still had nothing, I grew depressed. Needless to say I more or less gave up and thought, "If inspiration comes to me before the end, the fine. If not? I guess I've failed." Unfortunately it didn't end so easily for me. I've been thinking about my failure constantly, and had numerous dreams about it. Only in these dreams I'm actually...you know...writing. So then when I wake up and stare at my pathetic word count, I get even more depressed.

But recently I came across a story idea. It really has no basic plot, or even much action in it at all, and I think it's mainly character development than anything else, but...who cares? It's my story, and if that's the way I want to write it, even if it's much different than what I usually do, oh well. Now I just need to start on it. Will I actually get to 50k? Doubtful...but possible. We'll see.

 And I still have a very small skeleton of a story. I don't even have characters anymore. Tell me, how could I have started out in September with a full plot, characters, research, and the beginning work of an outline to having a basic plot and nothing else? How could I have backtracked so far?

I admit, it's stressing me out because I never started a WriMo with this little before, but I'm also excited about the tiny idea I do have. The first was becoming too much for me, so I scrapped it and decided to start over. I think it's going to be a matter of writing blindly and seeing what happens to pop out in the process. I'm really hoping of finding some jewels in the amount of crud I know most of it is going to be. Even if it's just one bloody idea or character, I'll be happy.

All in all, I'm stressed but excited. It'll be interesting to see the end result. 

In other news, I don't have the stuff I usually have with me when NaNo starts. I have a feeling I'll be waiting in line at Walmart with the Halloween crowd, hours before midnight, my cart full of the crap I need. But that's all right. It can't be NaNo without my nifty gloves or inspiration candles!

 Okay, so my muse lied to me. Or something. While my general plot still involves Asher, it now has like...four other main characters. Not only have I had to change my entire plot around (which I still don't really know what it is), I had to lose the title, too...Sadness. I really liked that title. But right now I'm more worried about the plot, and trying to figure out my characters then how to tie them all together. I'm not even sure if there is going to be a generalized plot. I might just go with exploring my characters' lives, and seeing how that turns out.

All I know is, I'm freakin stressed. There's so many holes to fill, and although I still have twenty-one days, I've already spent the last twenty just trying to get this far...and if anything I've backtracked, not stepped forward. So yeah, it's a pain. More often than not I feel like stabbing the characters, the plot, the whole blasted story, chucking it, and starting over. But then when I try that, I just go back to my characters...Sigh. They keep reviving themselves, the little bastards.

And now I'm up with heartburn after two hours of sleep, thinking, yet again, of how I'm going to get this stupid story to work. Heaven help me.

 Wow, it's been many months since I've written in here. But actually I have been writing in general. A lot. An RPG a friend and I are writing together called "A Soul for A Secret". We started it back in April and have been writing consistently every day, rocketing up a nice WC. I'm really pleased with it. But now, NaNoWriMo is coming up, and it's time to start writing by myself again.

This year's story will be pretty different than my past ones. It's actually a backstory to one of my characters in the RPG, as I began delving more into his past and found there was a lot of interesting things that had happened to him that had yet to be written about. So, I'm taking it on myself to do that. It's going to be pretty dark and gruesome. The transition of Asher Rimedur, starting as an innocent, playful fourteen-year-old noble who desires to travel to the main capitol to attend the university, broadening his education, and ends as a callous, sadistic twenty-seven-year-old assassin who has been chosen by the Brotherhood to be the "Father" of their satanic cult.

I'm excited about it. I think, as long as I can express it the right way, it's going to be a great story. Just forty more days until NaNo!

It's time to face the facts; procrastination and failure tend to rule over me. But constantly saying that isn't making it any better. It isn't going to write words on paper. In fact it's not doing much of anything good but creating some sort of a pity party.

So, now that it's been stated, am I going to do anything about it? Am I going to focus on my writing and begin to write instead of telling myself I need to?

No more excuses. No more complaints. If I don't write anything then there's no point in me posting any more on this blog.

Man, I suck...Still haven't been able to bounce back from my failure at NaNoFiMo. How many words have I written since the start of this year? 160! It's pathetic! I feel ashamed to call myself a writer. And miserable. Definitely miserable.

I also think I can't make up my mind on which book to write. I really need to continue on my NaNo2007 novel. It's the most I've written in any of my stories, so it would make sense I would aim to finish it before starting anything else. I also need to finish my NaNo2006 novel...Oy ve.

I'm not feeling too good :(

NaNoWriYe WC: 160

Well, I've completely bombed in my writing, not having written anything but 68 words in 3 weeks. What happened? This makes me sad, and deep inside I want to continue writing, but for some reason I just don't...

Today is supposed to be NaNoWriDay, but I haven't even come up with anything to write, so I'm not worrying about it. Maybe some other day I can finally join one of those.

I just really need to start writing...and I need to stop talking about it (or in this case blogging about it) and do it.

On the bright side, my personal life isn't as bad. My boyfriend proposed to me on New Years Eve. We're planning the wedding to be in August, so that's exciting :)

Maybe I should write about a wedding...or something X_x

Okay...so my writing streak has come to a halt. I haven't written anything in the past two days. Oops. It feels weird because I feel like it's been longer than just two days. Ah well. Even one day is long enough.

So why am I on here? Procrastinating some more. Why else? X_x Someone needs to kick my butt into gear.

WC to date: 73,093
FiMo WC: 19,863

It's amazing how I grow older I keep finding new reasons for why I write. I'm sure a big part of it is loneliness, and every time I think about it I get a twinge of depression deep inside. It frightens me when I think about not writing. Where would I be if I never found writing at an early age and continued to carry that newfound passion into adulthood?

Eh, I don't want to think about it.

I don't know why I decided to ramble about this. I guess I'm just not feeling good tonight. Wouldn't surprise me; my writing itself has been so ugly and sad lately.

Ah well. Tomorrow is always a new day.

WC to date: 71,299
FiMo WC: 18,069

I have spent all of last month and first part of this month writing from an outline...and now I don't have one. I only did so much of the outline and never finished. I can't even remember why O.o But anyway, so I'm not entirely sure what I'm writing about.

At first I had an idea, and was just about to have my characters save my protagonist, but decided it was too cliche and at the last minute had the rescuers leave and my two MCs get captured. I honestly have no idea what I'm doing X_x Ah well. I'm having more fun with the story now than I have all last month. Maybe good things will come out of it o_o

WC to date: 65,260
FiMo WC: 12,030

It's amazing that I'm still writing on a daily basis, although quite slowly. Of course, the goal for this month is only 30k instead of 50k so I won't need to do as much writing as last month to reach that specified goal. But my motivation isn't like it was last month. I'm not behind, but for some reason I feel like I am because I'm not writing as much.

Oh! And I've also finally gotten through the scene that I've been battling with since last week. Now the outline I created is of no use to me because I've written everything up to that point, so I either need to start working on the outline some more or just wing it since I have a decent amount of knowledge of what's supposed to happen next.

Plus, I've been going back and forth between two different stories: Out of Black Came White, which is the main story with about 95% of the word count. And then there's an Untitled one set in fantasy. It's really just a story I've had in my head for some time with numerous characters and decided to write that when I'm not in the mood to write the other. If it goes well I'll start posting that one for people to see.

I guess I should come up with a name for it though...

WC to date: 3,557

So, I only had a break for a couple days, and now it's on to NaNoFiMo (National Novel Finishing Month) in December. I left NaNoWriMo with 53k and my goal is to hit at least 85k. I'd love to go up to 100k, but we'll see...

Anywho, I've already gotten to a bad start. Yesterday was the first day and I haven't written anything. Of course, I really need to work on my outline. I don't have anything planned for after this next scene, so I wonder if that's what is keeping me from writing; the fear of finishing this scene and not knowing where to go next.

Okay...so I really should be writing or planning besides being on here, but I'm procrastinating. Crimady...

Official NaNoWriMo WC: 53,229

I know, I find it amazing too. I actually won! I have never been able to go this far with any story because I usually stop with procrastination. But this time I kept going, and I actually reached 50k! However, the month isn't up for another 3 days, so I'll still be writing and see how far I can get :) Maybe even over 60k.

I'm just excited. I even went to go wake up Doug and tell him I got 50k >_> He didn't register it at first and had to ask me when I told him it was 12 am if I meant 12 afternoon. Silly boy :P Anyway, I guess I'll go celebrate on my own since everyone's asleep.

Woo!

WC to date: 50,190

I was finally able to write 3k+ today and reach the goal of where I should be. Only about 6k more to go! I still can't believe it. I'm actually going to finish the darn thing this year! It's so exciting! Almost exciting enough that I feel like going ahead and doing the 6k tonight!

Nah, okay...so it's not that exciting. But I can't wait until I cross the 50k line. Despite the fact of being so far ahead (until now) I didn't think I was going to finish it this year. My procrastination is horrible, and it takes a lot to shove it away...

My next problem will be keeping this momentum up come December and until I actually finish the novel. Oy ve.

WC to date: 43,449

I knew my procrastination was going to come at some point. This entire past week I only wrote about 2k. That's terrible! My goal was to be writing that much every day. However, the good news is I wrote so much the first two weeks that I didn't fall behind. The bad news is I'm still in my procrastinating mood.

But I'm so freakin close! This time last year I was giving up with a measly 17k. I can't give up when I'm so darn close! I just can't!

WC to date: 40,071

I've been doing so confound well! And now I'm going crazy. My story is driving me up the wall, and I want to skip these boring parts so badly, but I can't! I must write them! If only I knew what it is I'm supposed to be writing o_o I finished what outline I had thought up in October. Now what?

::gnaws on story::

WC to date: 37,751

At the moment I should be writing (I have 45 minutes until midnight), but I'm doing things on purpose just to procrastinate.

In good news I caught up quickly on the two days I missed writing due to work. I am now over 30k in. I was hoping to get to 50k before Thanksgiving, but I also work every day next week so...I'm not sure if that will work. If not I still have plenty of time to finish, so I'm not worried. If anything I'm excited. I've never written this much before! It...feels amazing :)

Well, I guess I better not let that feeling go away, so it's off to write until midnight. Or maybe even later.

WC to date: 31,495

Ugh...Work is getting in the way. I haven't written anything in the past two days because I've been working all day. Even though technically I'm where I should be according to the calendar, to me I should be 4k words ahead. Today's a day off, so I'm going to have to do tons of writing.

Yay.